I wish I only lived at night.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He shit in the fireplace
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