just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
