sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
