Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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