i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
