i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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