Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
