Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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