did you get engaged???
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
