I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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