Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
