I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
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Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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