Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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