At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
