My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
