The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
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In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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