If that was your dad, he is hot
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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