Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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