There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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