Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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