so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
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Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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