remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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