I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
