i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
