I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
