I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
