Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
