Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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