I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
