I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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