Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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