I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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