I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
