I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
