I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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