a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
