um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
