Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
