There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
