I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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