I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
