Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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