This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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