I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
