I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
