before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
