Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
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Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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