i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
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She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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