The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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