I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
