Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
