If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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