M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
