She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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