So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
