yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize