I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
