ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
