I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You ruined the universe
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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