Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
