sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My dick has a subreddit
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
